Friday Frivolity no. 19: A Very Frivolous Gift Guide!
a meditation on gifting, 9 little whimsies under $25, and 3 festive recipes
This is an installment in the section Friday Frivolity. Every Friday, you’ll get a short essay, plus a moodboard, 3 things I’m currently in love with, words of wisdom from what I’ve been reading lately, a little shimmer of poetry, a “beauty tip,” and a question to spark thought.
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Gifts have never been my love language. They have always seemed too materialistic, too consumerist, too “thing-like” to express the million shades and hues and depths of affection one soul might bear towards another. We live in a society where we are continually exhorted to buy more, want more, need more—and this “more” piles up more and more and more, until we are overflowing with it. Sale after sale, discount after discount, Black Friday and Cyber Monday and Land Yourself in Credit Card Debt Wednesday—indeed, according to the shopaholic’s calculus1, when you buy a $200 item that is 50% off, you are saving $100, not (as is actually the case) spending it. “Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty-pound ought and six, result misery,” says Wilkins Micawber in Charles Dickens’s David Copperfield, who, landing himself in debtors’ prison, ought to know.
Then there are the several ill feelings that attend gifts and gift-giving. In the case of holidays and birthdays and other gift-giving occasions, there are (at least for me, always) the twin evils of procrastination and panic. At 2 in the morning on Christmas morning, you will invariably find me sitting with a roll of wrapping paper and tape, frantically looking up “how to wrap gifts.”
Should you give someone exactly the gift they have asked for, or should you try to imbue their life with the element of surprise?2 Should you give someone multiple small gifts or one big gift? Should you regift a gift you dislike, or simply hold onto it in the hope that it will grow on you? Gifting is its own language, and it has its own poetry. If someone gifts you something too expensive, you feel an uneasy sense of obligation; if someone gifts you something too cheap, you wonder what you are really worth to them. If someone gifts you something useful, you may feel that you are missing something, that there is nothing more to life than bald utility, barren practicality; if someone gifts you something utterly useless, yet beautiful, you may put it somewhere where it gathers dust or consign it to that realm of things too precious to see the sun, ever in need of dragon-like watchfulness. Personally, I favor the frivolous gift, the superfluous little luxury, for we are always buying ourselves things we need anyway, and life requires the thread of embroidery to cover over its coarser fabric.
Let us not, however, confuse the inexpensive gift for the cheap. Cheapness is a matter of taste and quality; something inexpensive can still be well-made, unique, thoughtful, lasting. Give the gift of time, the gift of thoughtfulness. The best gifts, after all, are more symbols than gifts, ciphers that someone thought of you, spent time or money or effort on you, loved you and cared for you, took pains to make you happy. They become in equal parts memory and talisman, accruing associations the way scents linger on an old sweater: a particular time, occasion, era, a funny mishap, a certain gesture, the place you were in, the person you were then, the way you felt, the relationship you had with the giver, who may now be far away, or dead, or still in your life, the gift one link of many in the adamantine chain that binds you to them.
This week, I was inspired by the onslaught of gift guides on Substack to create my own very small gift guide. All of these gifts are under $25 (they might be better as stocking stuffers or for something like Secret Santa or a white elephant gift exchange) because, as I said earlier, I don’t think a gift has to be expensive to bring delight. Of course, when the gift guides come out, the gift guide haters come out, but I say, bring on the gift guides! Most of what I see in a gift guide, I know I’ll never buy or even consider buying, but I do so love to see what fun, whimsical, beautiful, or unexpectedly useful things those two magicians, human ingenuity and capitalism, can conjure out of their top hat. I hope you do too.
Mood Board Gift Guide of the Week 2024 Holiday Season!!
(left to right, top to bottom)
Austin Press Little Hand Stand ($12): We all need a hand sometimes. Sometimes just a teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy cutesy little hand. This hand, designed by Kim Austin of Austin Press, inspired by Victorian calling card holders, sleeved in an elegant black-and-gold tube, could be that hand. Use it to hold postcards, playing cards, birthday cards, business cards, to-do lists, calendars, old photographs, new love-letters, locks of hair, precious rings, semi-precious rings, rings that are just rhinestone and precious to no one in the world but yourself, hopes, dreams, memories, little loves, little fancies. A little hand can do so much.
from Catbird NYC Cereria Introna Vanilla Frosting with Flowers Cupcake Candle ($25): This cupcake candle looks good enough to eat, but don’t eat it. It is made of paraffin wax, which actually, as it turns out, is safe to eat in small amounts, but in large amounts can cause intestinal obstruction, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, constipation, and wax poisoning. If, however, you can resist the urge, it makes for a very nice decorative object. Put it on a dresser or nightstand or desk or coffee table or bookshelf. Even better, the next time you host a dinner party, bring out some these candles and a bunch of real desserts and have your guests play a little guessing game. Just kidding! That would probably bad, considering the effects of paraffin wax consumption as delineated above. Below are some more beautiful delicious(-looking) candles from Cereria Introna, which you can buy here, here, and here.
photographs via Collyer's Mansion, The Hambledon, and The Elements by Kate Sapienza Louis Sherry 2-Piece Tins ($13.50): Yes, each chocolate, one a milk chocolate salted caramel, the other a dark chocolate Sicilian orange truffle, costs $6.75, but you are not paying for the chocolate. You are paying for the small adorable tin, lettered and edged with gold, which you can fit into a chic evening clutch or one of those micro purses when the pendulum inevitably swings back and they are “in” again or an unsuspecting friend’s pocket or a Christmas stocking or a little corner of your bedroom so you can “discover” them a few days later and surprise yourself or the beloved unwary hand of your crush, accompanied by a note, “sweets to the sweet” (what else?), after which you can promptly flee. The Monet tin is my favorite, but unfortunately on the official Louis Sherry website they require you to buy three, so you can either mix and match, or purchase elsewhere.
from Bellocq Tea Anne Carson, Nay Rather (2013), published by Sylph Editions3 (£14): Sylph Editions has a Cahiers Series published in collaboration with The American University of Paris; these little volumes explore writing and translation by some of the best writers and translators writing and translating today—Richard Pevear, Lydia Davis, Elfriede Jelinek, Jhumpa Lahiri—and feature beautiful full-color illustrations and images. The Anne Carson fan(atic) that I am, Nay Rather is the volume I drool over the most. It “explores the role of silence in translation” through an essay and a poem, Carson translating her silence through Joan of Arc and Homer, Hölderlin and Paul Celan.
Sylph Editions Cahiers Series Officine Universelle Buly The Eyebrow-Raiser (€16.67): Dandyism died out; it was laughed to death. The dandy, poor creature, was sensitive, you see, and could do nothing more than wilt like a flower. But only give him this minuscule comb, and he will revive once again, pausing in the middle of a street before a store window to regard his own reflection, taking out, very carefully, this gently curving instrument of cosmetic beauty, and smoothing it through his pomaded eyebrows.
More interesting Officine Universelle Buly offerings, clockwise: Scented Matches Alexandrie / Nose & Ears Cleansing Brush / Orange Dental Floss / The Great Traveller's Beauty Kit The Met Store Louis C. Tiffany Hibiscus and Parrots Bookmark ($22): A couple of years ago for Christmas, my mother got me this Stradivarius violin bookmark, which is my favorite bookmark ever, and which I thought I’d lost in the writing of this, panicked, and then subsequently found in a stay copy of the Bhagavad Gita, typical, but the Met has several of these beautiful metal bookmarks based on artworks and objects in their collection, and if I had to choose a second favorite, it would be this one based on a Favrile glass panel designed by Louis Comfort Tiffany. In contrast to paintings and violins, stained glass translates particularly well to the bookmark format—I love the Art Deco style of these birds and flowers and the beautiful green and blue hues that make them stand out. Coincidentally, the Met has just installed a giant new Tiffany Studios stained glass window in its American Wing this month, designed by Agnes Northrop.
Roger & Gallet Hand & Nail Cream Tin 1 ($24.95): Apparently, this limited edition trio of hand & nail creams—Gingembre Rouge (Red Ginger), Fleur de Figuier (Fig Blossom), and Rose (Rose)—was “inspired by the most beautiful Mediterranean nights, when the stars bloom in a thousand colors.” The sapphire-blue tin, illustrated by Charlotte Colt, certainly takes you there, with its profusion of doves and stars and gold and pink accents.
TOPS Malibu Magic Butterfly ($8): A butterfly! A shiny gold butterfly that flitters and floats when you wind it up! What could be more delightful? Follow the instructions here in order to wind up the wings. Then tuck the wound-up butterfly in a card or book—when opened, the butterfly will take off, leaving in its wake surprise and joy and childlike wonder.
Gold Magic Butterfly, photograph from Heirloom Art Co. Jenway Tea Co. Boutique Jenway Tea Sugar Cubes ($10): If I were a pony, these would be on the very top of my wishlist. If you had a pony, you could make her the happiest pony in the world by giving her these sugar cubes. They’re good for humans, too, though, inlaid with delicately placed dried flower petals and shiny nonpareils, making your teatime experience pink, chic, and very pretty. For an extra special gift, pair with one of Jenway’s winter tea blends—Velvet Vanilla Spiced Chai, Sugar Cookie Dreams, Cinnamon Almond Biscotti.
3 Things I’m in Love With This Week
Holiday Recipes Edition!
1. My Favorite Hot Chocolate Recipe
Just as soon as Thanksgiving is over, I rush excitedly to the stove to go and make this hot chocolate. It’s technically drinking chocolate, not hot cocoa, because it uses melted chocolate instead of cocoa powder, making it much more rich and complex in flavor than the stuff you just dump into milk and stir around. It’s also much more indulgent, so I’m not sure if I’d recommend it as a daily drink—but the banner of “holiday spirit” does, after all, cover up a myriad of sins, so I won’t blame you if you take to sipping this morning, noon, and night.
Ingredients
1 1/2 cups of milk—I like to use almond milk
2/3 cup high-quality dark chocolate chips
2-3 tablespoons of maple syrup
A pinch of salt
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon of peppermint extract
Whipped cream, crushed candy canes, marshmallows, etc. for topping
Instructions
Add the milk to a small pot or saucepan on medium heat and stir.
Once milk is hot, add the chocolate chips and stir vigorously until combined.
Add the maple syrup, salt, vanilla extract, and peppermint extract, and stir until all ingredients are incorporated.
Serve with whipped cream (if you’re vegan you can use coconut cream) and/or crushed candy canes and marshmallows.
2. Gingerbread Crêpes with Cranberry Compote
I found this recipe over at Rainbow Plant Life back when I trying to find more vegan recipes to be a little healthier. I don’t know if it’s actually that healthy, because it does have quite a bit of sugar, but it’s certainly very festive and Christmassy, and it’s a lovely way to make use of any extra cranberries you have lying around after Thanksgiving! I went back to try and find the original recipe, but it seems to have disappeared from the website, so I will reproduce the version I have in my recipe book below—all credit goes to Nisha Vora, or course.
Ingredients (for crêpes)
1 1/2 cups all-purpose or whole-wheat flour, sifted
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
pinch of cloves
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons organic blackstrap molasses
1 cup + 2 tablespoons almond milk
1/4 cup sparkling water
1 tablespoon melted vegan butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking powder
Instructions (for crêpes)
Place all ingredients in a blender and blend until you obtain a smooth and lump-free batter, or use a whisk.
Cover better & chill for 1 hour.
Place a non-stick or cast-iron skillet over medium heat. Once hot, add a little bit of cooking oil.
Then, remove the skillet from the heat. Pour in 1/4 crepe batter and quickly tilt and turn the pan to form the batter into a thin circle. Return the pan to heat and cook for 2 minutes until golden brown. Flip and cook for 1 minute.
Top with cranberry compote down the center and fold over. Top with whipped cream and orange zest, if desired.
Ingredients (for compote)
1 cup cranberries
1 cup raspberries
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup water
3 peels orange zest
2 tablespoons orange juice
1 cinnamon stick
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
pinch of salt
1-2 teaspoons chia seeds (I never add these so let’s just consider them optional)
Instructions (for compote)
In a saucepan, combine all ingredients except chia seeds and boil.
Once boiling, reduce heat to medium-low and simmer for 15 minutes.
Add 1 teaspoon of chia seeds and stir to thicken; add more if necessary.
Remove from heat and allow to cool.
3. Thumbprint Cookies
Thumbprint cookies are my favorite cookies to make during the holiday season. They’re very simple to make, don’t require too many ingredients, and yet they’re always sure to be scrumptious. I often omit the icing and use this Holiday Jam from Stonewall Kitchen—made from pears, cranberries, and raspberries, with a hint of orange—to create extra special holiday flavor.
Words of Wisdom
“Love and large-hearted giving, when added together, can leave deep marks. It is never easy to cover these marks, dear friends—never easy.”
—O. Henry, “The Gift of the Magi”
“The Gift of the Magi” is a story I always think of when the holiday season rolls around and I begin to wonder how, this year, I can bring delight to my loved ones, show them just how much they really mean to me. It is a story about wanting too much and having too little, about the sacrifices we make for love, about how love is the best gift of all—and the most tragic, the most poignant, the most invaluable.
O. Henry (William Sydney Porter) was commissioned by the Sunday World to write a story for the Christmas issue. It would have to have something to do with Christmas, and it would be accompanied by color illustrations, meaning that the text would have to be ready well ahead of time. As writers often do, O. Henry procrastinated. The deadline approached, reached O. Henry, and sailed by. The editors wrung their hands. Finally, they decided to send the story’s illustrator, Dan Smith, to check up on O.. O. told Smith he hadn’t written a single word—he hadn’t even the faintest idea of what he would write. Smith despaired. O. Henry thought for a bit. Finally he told Smith to draw “a poorly furnished room” in which a man and girl are sitting, side by side, the man fingering a gold watch fob, the girl with “long beautiful hair that is hanging down her back.”4
From these bare bones—the shabby room, the man and the girl and their respective most precious possessions (their only precious possessions)—O. Henry created a tale of great poignancy, deploying, like a magician, his famous technique, the trick ending, to deadly effect. Sentimental as it may seem, neatly wrapped up and tied off with a bow as it may seem, it is not, however, a cheap trick. Having seen the rabbit that will come out of the hat, the card slid out of the sleeve, we are no less moved when we attend the show again and once more see the old trick—the magic has not worn off.
When does a gift become a sacrifice? Is every sacrifice a gift? When we give up what it pains us to give up, freely, willingly, placing the other’s happiness and well-being above our own, only then can we say that we truly love.
Poetry Corner
Gift
“This is mint and here are three pinks I have brought you, Mother. They are wet with rain And shining with it. The pinks smell like more of them In a blue vase: The mint smells like summer In many gardens.”
—Hilda Conkling
Hilda Conkling was born in 1910, the daughter of Grace Hazard Conkling, an English professor at Smith College. The whole of Hilda’s oeuvre was produced between the ages of 4 and 14. She would recite the poems to her mother, and her mother would transcribe them, then read them back to her, and Hilda would correct any deviations from what she had spoken. Her first poem was published in Poetry when she was 6 years old, and her first collection, Poems by a Little Girl, was published in 1920, with an introduction by the well-known imagist poet Amy Lowell. However, like her fellow poet prodigy Arthur Rimbaud, she stopped producing poems after a certain age.
In childhood, Hilda revealed in a 1983 interview with the Reading Eagle, the poems used to come to her freely; she didn’t realize her mother had a pen and pad ready and was taking down her words. Unlike the flowers in this poem, Hilda saw her precocious poetic ability as less a “gift” than a “handicap.” She was made to give interviews. The other children laughed at her when they went out to a Douglas Fairbanks movie and a newsreel played beforehand in which Hilda was the subject. Her domineering mother, afraid the publicity would make her too “self-centered,” began to discourage her poetry.
Hilda’s career ambitions dwindled, and she held odd jobs until the age of 40, when she opened a bookstore in Boston. After two decades of running it, she returned to Northampton to live with and take care of her ailing mother, working at a local bookstore there. “In her last few years, mother became more and more dependent on me. But I was starting to understand her better, and if she’d lived five more years, we might have become better friends,” the 72-year-old Conkling said.
Now reading “Gift” in light of learning more about Hilda’s relationship with her mother, I see the flowers almost as a metaphor for Hilda’s poems. The imagery of “Gift”—flowers, summer rain, gardens—may be out of season at this time of year, but it captures beautifully the essence of the perfect gift: beautiful, small, inexpensive, but chosen with delight and given with a full heart. It reminds me of the Percy Bysshe Shelley poem “The Question,” in which the speaker, in the middle of winter, imagines himself in a field full of springtime flowers. He picks them, makes a beautiful nosegay, and then hastens to present it, but—“Oh! to whom?”
Beauty Tip
The best things come in beautiful packages. It’s not just the thought that counts, it’s the way you’ve wrapped it. I wholeheartedly concur with
’s Rules for Wrapping. There’s no excuse for being lazy when tutorials like this one abound.Lingering Question
What’s the best gift you’ve ever received that was totally unexpected? Let me know in the comments!
Other Substack Gift Guides!
A Flower-Inspired Gift Guide by
—these gifts are so fun and eclectic, and I love how they all center around the theme of one of my favorite things ever: flowers!- —recommendations for book lovers, career mavens, cool guys, and more
A Collection of Stories and Thoughtful Finds by
—there are so many really interesting, unique, and handmade items here!In Defense of the Humble Gift Guide by
—helpfully organized by price range, with a little defense of the “recommendation culture” you often see here on SubstackHabitually Chic Holiday Gift Guide No. 1 by
—just the mere act of going through this gift guide makes me feel a thousand times chicerIn last Friday’s post I included 3 gift ideas for the book-lover in your life and a gift for writers!
Not a gift guide but a sobering dose of cold, hard reality about Black Friday from
Finally, on gratitude—saying “thank you” to a gift is just as important as the art of gifting itself
Gratitude and Greed
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Gratitude is the obvious virtue. Indeed, there is so much to be grateful for, one doesn’t know quite where to start. Personally, I am grateful for my mother and father (I heartily shake hands with them for having produced such a masterpiece as myself, and thankfully none other), for flowers, clouds, jewelry, sundresses, for floral anything, for “pearls,…
Dear Readers, I hope you all have a lovely and restful weekend! If you enjoyed, please give this post a like, share your thoughts in the comment, and share with a friend!
Or “girl math,” as the Internet calls it.
In most cases, I think the former.
Richard O’Connor, O. Henry: The Legendary Life of William S. Porter
I feel the same way about gifts 😭 but when selected well, a good gift is a delight to receive. I love the selection here, so many interesting choices for a low price!
Great gift ideas Ramya! I love cupcake candles and your book recomendations. Have a wonderful time buying gifts for yourself as well!